To Ashes

As the flames slowly burn me to ash, I wonder if anybody out there will remember me once I am gone? Does my very existence mean anything to anyone? The desire to be close to someone... and yet, I do not realise it but I subconsciously distance myself from other people. Telling myself I am not worthy of their friendship, of their love. Hoping for a connection but never enough to hold on to one. I start to think of the past, if I had chosen another path, would life had been so different? Would I still be sad? I start to worry about the future and all the uncertainty it holds. I think so much of both timelines that I never focus on the present. I'm living life but never truly appreciating it. And as all this plays in my head, I do not know how to react but smile. Smile at the abyss because the world cultivates the image of happiness for everyone. However, when the door is closed, that is where I am true to my thoughts. The darkness comes crawling in all around me... engulfing... suffocating. I lose myself, my identity, my connection to the world and then I ask myself....

Does my life have meaning?